I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
