Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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