I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
