i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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