is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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