Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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