I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
