babies were throwing up all over the place
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize