The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
