ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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