Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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