dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He passed out mid-signature
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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