That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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