i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
