I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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