My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
