Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
