She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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