what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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