Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
