Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
