you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize