White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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