So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize