dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
