Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize