listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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