Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
