WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize