I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize