Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
