Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
