I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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