i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
