I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
