Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
