I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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