It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
