So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
