we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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