Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
