i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
