I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
