Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
