her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
