I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
