Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize