South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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