just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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