i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
