I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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