wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize