Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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