JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
