Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Too much gin, very little bucket
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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