I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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