she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was born a porn star she said
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
