u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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