I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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