Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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