He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
