had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
