I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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