that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
