ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
