We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
