I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
