If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Farmville is her only friend.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
