she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Bring me that man meat
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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