If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
