Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
