He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
