And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
