The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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