Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize