Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
