Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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