Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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