Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
