why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
