I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
