i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
