you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
