even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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