yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I love having hate sex.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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