her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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