They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
