dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
