her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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