I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
