I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
