Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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