dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize