I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
