i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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